Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
