i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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