idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
