I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
