so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
