I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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