It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
