you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
