I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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