Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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