is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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