I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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