The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
