I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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