Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
