we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
