Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
