You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
