how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
