if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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