I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
