his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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