Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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