the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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