Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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