hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize