Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
