I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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