hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
