So drunk its hurt
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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