I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
