We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
