When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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