We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
