he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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