i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
