I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
