I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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