god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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