Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
