Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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