onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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