The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My vagina is officially offended.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
