thus making me awesome and them whores
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
