I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
