dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize