Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
