but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
