i dont even know how to be here
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
