Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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