please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize