She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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