Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My ass is underappreciated
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You're a disaster
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