I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
