I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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