Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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