You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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