Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
