How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
