i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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