your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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