Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
