i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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