cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
