I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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