filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
