Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
