Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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