At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
