I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
