It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
