I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
