Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
