living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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