it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
