"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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