just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
